I'm off...

Well, I am off to Motherland Tennessee... (Just kidding Steve.) :) I am taking a week's vacation to head to Jellico Tennessee with our church youth group and about nine adults including myself. Jellico is a very poverty stricken part of the country... We will be fixing people's houses and sharing God's Love with those who can't afford to make ends meet by helping them in a way that will meet them where they are at... hopefully they will see that we care about them and that our acts of service will have a huge impact. I am excited to see what the Lord has planned this week. Say some prayers for our group that we travel safe and the everything goes well. See you in about a week!

FRIENDS, Fellows, Countrymen, and Bloggers... lend me your ears....

So, the other day I get this comment left by "Deals" who is new to the blogosphere. She was having a discussion with Jes at lunch about the identities of people who comment on blog postings. Anyway, she asked Jes who "Ben" was, and Jes told her that I was a friend of a friend... and that, she did know that “Ben” wasn’t my real name. Which is in all reality is... well... true. We met after Eddie discovered my blog and left a comment. I started reading Posted Note and from there I tuned into Katie at Kpinion... and then eventually discovered Just Say Jes. So what she is saying is quite true... but it got me thinking... at what point does one make the leap from a total and complete stranger to a friend? I have found that over the last year, I have met some people that I would consider really close friends. Some of which are located on the right hand side of my blog. This list contains people I would consider aquaintences, some I would consider friends, some I would consider close friends and some I don't really know much about at all. So in jest, I confronted my friend Jes about me being a "friend of a friend" (cause friends can joke about this sort of thing...) and well... our conversation says it all:

"Ben" - "Heard you were talking about "My Identity." And that I am just a friend of a friend. ;) And you don't know much about me... lol. We're not friends? ;)"

Jes - "Hey. I was recently talking about you. But to who? I don't remember. Someone asked if I actually knew you. Since I don't actually physically know you, OBVIOUSLY i said no. But, I did say that if you lived in Texas, you would TOTALLY be our friend, and we would TOTALLY hang out with you, because we like you. Did you hear that I said THAT?!?"

"Ben" - "You were talking with "Deals" And no... she didn't tell me that you said that if I lived in texas that we would TOTALLY be friends... lol. So, unless we move to Texas, we can't be friends? lol. Eddie's my friend and I don't live in Texas... and Katie is my Friend and I don't live in Texas... which brings up a great discussion... do you have to actually meet in person to be someone's friend... or know them? I will ponder that one... I feel a post coming on..."

to which Jes responds... "by "Friend" i meant that we would totally hang out. of course i think of you as my friend. why else would i read your blog, and comment, and link to you on my site, and make fun of you? it is SO OBVIOUS that you are my friend. :)"

It is OBVIOUS that we have become friends. So to you my friends:

Eddie
Katie
Jes
Hula Dula
Amanda Sue
Crazy4acop
AF
Genuine
JCol
Steve
JLR
Jenniy
Msthang
FaithinFlorida and OakofLife
Squareslant
Beyonka

(...and to those I don't know quite as well...)

I send a heartfelt thanks... you bring a bright spot to my day. Thanks

It's a good feeling to start each morning with a cup of coffee and a conversation with a few of my friends.

Married

Little trivia for you... if you type in the word married in the MSN Search bar, MarriedinMinnesota comes up as the 5th link out of 40,781,079 websites. How does that happen?

Pen Names... Aliases... Nicknames... it's all the same thing.

Well, there have been some hints in my comments that "Ben" and "Sydney" are not who we say we are... and as I thought about it... my readership has grown over the past few months... and so people might not know this fact about us. So, I thought I would inform everyone, yet again, of our aliases... or "Pen Names" if you will. My name isn't "Ben" and "Sydney's" name isn't "Sydney." I am sure some of you are Shocked by this news... but after the original shock, I am sure you will get over it. The reason we decided to choose aliases was to remain annonymous and keep the "internet stalkers" away... How did we decide on Ben and Sydney? Well Sydney comes from the show Alias. My wife and I are big Alias fan's... and we think Sydney Bristow is cool. And Ben... well, when I was growing up, one of my best friends was named Ben, so I have always really liked that name. Anyway, some of our friends, and yes... we consider you friends, have known this from the beginning and they are wondering whether they will call us by our real names or by "Ben" and "Sydney" when we eventually meet. My thoughts are: Either. Or. It doesn't really matter what name you call us by. You know us. We have not held back any information about our lives other than our real names... Our intent is not to decieve, but rather protect our family from being the next tradgic headliner on 20/20... So there you have it. If you are disappointed, don't be. Take Heart... only the closest of friends know us as "Ben" and "Sydney." ;)

We're back from a long weekend; Sydney wore me out in more ways than one... ;)

(Don't worry Katie... it's a "G" rated post... I just did that title for shock value. ... even though it was the truth. lol.)

It was a weekend of fun... like the previous post stated, Sydney and I went to Minneapolis to get away for our anniversary. We had a great time; which, of course, isn't surprising. I always have a fun time with Sydney any time we hang out together. We dropped the kids off on Friday night at a couple of different places... arrived at our Jacuzzi Suite at about 9 o'clock or so. The hotel was good, average. Nothing special. Besides the Jacuzzi, it was your average Holiday Inn Express and Suites. Although, I will give their continental breakfast a 10. I used to travel all the time and I know what I am talking about when it comes to hotels and continental breakfast. Anything from doughnuts to muffins... there was cereal, bagels, yogurt, cinnamon rolls, juice coffee, toast, English muffins... two words: Top. Notch. So, after scarfing down a 7 course breakfast, we headed out to do some shopping. We went to the Mall of America. Been there many times... but it gives you a chance to experience sensory overload. Hard to decide what to buy, because there are so many things. I ended up purchasing a new quicksilver "board shirt" and a pair of shorts from the quick silver shop as well. Then we hit a t-shirt shop, and I purchased a few t-shirts... Calvin and Hobbes, Underdog, Rocky and Bullwinkle... etc. Sydney purchased a few pairs of shoes and a set of dressy maternity clothes for that evening, as well as some jewelry. We then went back to the Hotel, to get ready for our night out. We went to the Chanhassen Dinner Theatre...

We were thrilled,
we were charmed,
we were entertained,
and most importantly... we were fed. It was a great time.
We saw:

Sydney loves the Theatre... for the same reason she loves to read... It allows her to use her imagination and experience life somewhere else for a short time. Me, I would rather go to a football game... but I must say, that I enjoyed the theatre as well. The guy who played "Gaston" was hilarious... and the entire show was well worth the money spent. The Top Sirloin Steak was fantastic and the Red Merlot that I had hit the spot as well... Other than the phone call from the ER asking for our consent to allow them to give Jake stitches, it was a perfect night. After gorging ourselves on the continental breakfast again the next morning and stopping by a few more shops, we headed back to reality on Sunday afternoon. Like all good things... it came to an end. But it is always fun to come back after a long weekend and see the kids and hear about their "adventures." Anyway, life is good... but we're back. It is hard to come to work on the Monday after a great weekend... but I guess I have to pay for weekends like this somehow. Of course it is all worth it; it has been 8 great years with the love of my life.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Well, not quite... but I will be in Tennessee during our anniversary so we are "getting away" this weekend. We have the kids distributed to friends and Sydney and I will be off to live vicariously, if not for just the weekend. We are leaving tonight... not sure where we are going to go... either Sioux Falls SD or St. Cloud Minnesota. No big plans... just going to spend some time together. We could go to Minneapolis as well. Any thoughts on where we should go?

UPDATE: We are going to Minneapolis... better deals on a whirl pool suite.

Later All!

Your evaluation is a load of crap... how's that for direct?

So I am direct... straight to the point. I don't waste time by saying flowery words to lighten the blow. I just say things. That's not to say that I am unthoughtful or say things without thinking. I am suscinct... concise.

Well, to get to the point, because I am direct, last year I changed jobs at the university and with that came a new boss. So, yesterday I had the first "Performance Evaluation" since my second year of employment here at the university. (Old boss quit doing these.) Well, it went pretty well, and I did have a lot of accalades on my evaluation... but I must say that it is hard to take constructive criticism from a guy who rarely sees you in action and doesn't even know what you do or how you've done what you do... or for that matter, any improvements that you have made behaviorly. For example, his comments consisted of:

Ben has shown good leadership skills. He is well organized, efficient and hard working. There has been marked improvement with his working relationship with students. (Of course... ya big dummy. I am no longer working two full time positions here at the university... but to avoid being direct, I didn't say that.) He is direct, to the point, and firm when dealing with students and others. This is an exellent quality in leadership. Sometimes people are not used to this and a different delivery would probably produce as good, if not better, results. Developing flexibility in delivery, recognizing other's styles, and being able to use different approaches to maximize potential are key aspects of leadership. To be sure, however, at times there is a definite need for a direct and firm approach and this ought to be recognized as good leadership, too.

At the risk of sounding ... oh... what's the word I'm looking for... Direct? What the heck did he just say there? This is what I got out of that: Being direct is a good leadership quality, but sometimes you have to be less direct... based on whether you are going to hurt someone's feelings... unless of course it is a time where you definately need to be direct.

I know this is going to sound direct... but um...yeah... THAT was a bunch of crap.

He goes on to state that: Ben is very straight forward and direct. (got that) Sometimes this straight forwardness and directness create interpersonal issues with others... and He has excellent ideas but sometimes, as mentioned, his direct manner is not received well by others. Ben makes good decisions and exercises good independent thinking. Sometimes, however, the presentation of his problem solving skills (his directness) is not received well by others.


Um... I take it you think I am direct?
Couple of thoughts.

1. Don't pretend you know somebody when you don't. I am direct; however, I do possess social skills and do understand when somebody is not receiving something well... especially in those times where one definately needs to be direct. I am not direct when I don't need to be.

2. If you think I am direct now... you should have seen me 10 years ago. I used to be over the top direct... like the time I went to the deli counter and I asked the old lady to shave my turkey so thin that I could see through it and so that it was falling apart. When she responded with a sarcastic, "That's what shaved means." I directly responded with a raised voice... "GREAT. THAT'S WHAT I WANT... DO IT THAT WAY THEN." Need-less-to-say, Sydney walked away from the counter because she was embarrassed. I also used to honk my horn a lot. I would say honking your horn is being direct... wouldn't you? Well, I don't honk my horn much anymore... I have toned it down a lot and become less direct. I don't believe that you ever "arrive." I believe that people are always a work in process, there will always be improvements that need to be made... Furthermore, you should be able to celebrate the progress that has been made in certain areas. Ever felt like you have been labled as something or "put in a box" and that no matter how much progress that has been made to improve in these areas that you will always be that preconceived person? Because you were that way 10 years ago, now, (in this case) when you have to be direct... it's not because you need to be, but it's because "you've always been direct."

I was frustrated by this whole conversation... But rather than be too direct... I just stated, "Yep, you're right... I will continue to work on my directness." But then... somehow I don't think he noticed that I was being less direct... because, you know... I will never NOT be direct. I wonder if smacking him upside the head would be "too direct?"

I'm done with this topic.

It's official...

My 6 week bogging hiatus has come to an end! I am done with school... for good. My MBA is complete. Fini. Finito. Finished. No more "additional classes" I have to take... no more thinking: "Just one more class." It's like the large mill stone around my neck has been lifted and I can breath easy again. Time to get busy with "the good life."

Did you miss me? lol.

The boat owned me like a monkey trainer playing the accordian... but what a performance I gave.

The red, black and white HO on the ski stared back at me as I bobbed up an down in the water... I tried to calculate how long it had been since I last attempted this? Was it 10 years... 13 years... I couldn't remember. What did it matter... how long is a long time anyway? The fact was... it had been a long time. I thought to myself, "do I even remember how to do this?" Too late. The rope was taut as it taunted me. "Dance Monkey Dance." No turning back now... I yelled, "HIT IT!" And the motor roared to life... as I began to plane, my ski started to wobble and I lost my confidence as the rope slipped from my hands. The motor was immediately throttled back as my brother looped around me. As he idled by me he said, "You need to lean over your ski quite a bit... this is only a 75 horse motor and you are a lot heavier than the last time you tried this." I thought, "THAAaanks.... that will build my confidence. Hey fatty... lean over your ski more... or you'll never get up." As I grabbed the handle for a second time I clung to the fact that I had done this before. "HIT IT!" The motor once again roared to life... As I began to appear from the water, my ski decided to take a 90 degree left turn... pain shot through my hamstring as muscle sinews began to stretch and tear... I immediately released the rope and laid on my back as the boat throttled back and made the loop that would become all too familiar. "Ouch. That hurt... ripped something." I contemplated quitting... but was ticked that I was no longer young and agile. The 3rd attempt... the engine roared to life... and throttled back... 4th attempt, the engine roared to life... and throttled back... 5th time nothing changed. I told myself, I can do this. I told my brother, "I'll try one more time and if I can't get it... you can give me the other ski and I'll drop one." 6th attempt, I concentrated on my ski and held onto the rope tight... not knowing whether I could do this anymore. The engine roared to life and I began to plane... but then lost confidence. So close. The boat looped around me as I said, "One more try before you give me that second ski... I had it that time... besides that, 7th time is a charm."

The rope tightened as I yelled "HIT IT!" for the last time. I hung on as I leaned hard over the tip of my ski and dragged my other foot behind me in the water to give me a little extra stability. I was up... whew. Finally. I slowly worked my free leg to the back of the ski. The cushion of the back binding never felt so good. Mentally and physically exhausted, I rested behind the boat as I moved smoothly through the water, getting used to what was once familiar ground. As I regained my strength and confidence, I began to weave back and forth over the wake. I still had it. Amazing. As we zoomed by, Jake and Sydney were standing at the end of the dock. I leaned back on my ski holding onto the rope with one hand and gave them the thumbs up sign as I winked at Sydney. The glimmer in her eye said it all. She was proud. He was proud. I couldn’t hear his squeal of delight over the sound of the motor as I roared by, but Sydney said that he was jumping up and down shouting, “That’s my Dad! That’s my Dad! That’s my Dad!” In the late afternoon sun, I became a hero in the eyes of my son, as, from his perspective, I had just walked on water. A few minutes later, I released the rope as I glided into the shore and sank into the water, my legs became wobbly as I once again became an “old man.” It’s now 3 days later and I have a slight gimp as a result of "jacking something up" in my hamstring. The price you pay for being a hero. But let me tell you, any price you have to pay to become a hero in the eyes of your son is worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat... just give me time for my hamstring to heal. lol.

A nondescript Jesus.

Yesterday, the late afternoon sunlight seeped through the evergreens outside of our living room window as the sun made its way towards the horizon. Shades of green were visible as the brilliant rays entered our house. Little specks of dust were no longer invisible as they floated through the air. With the family still gone, there was a reverent silence as that ray of light landed on the picture on the cover which read Children’s Bible Stories. Suddenly, I was 5 years old standing in my parents’ darkened hallway, looking up at that same picture. The picture that still haunts my memories... a picture that is so very out of place on the cover of a children’s book. You know the one... long hair and a beard with biblical garb; You know it’s Him... but, there is a seriousness, a sadness... He’s so nondescript. There’s no love in this picture. It reeks of old people; hanging in nursing homes, church libraries, and hallways of the elderly throughout the country. I know what the Good Book tells me... and that’s not You. At least not the You that I know. As You look to Your Heavenly Father, you are worried... You aren’t welcoming. Dark shades... nothing bright... bland colors. SO not You. The image oozes institutional religion and not a personal relationship. It's an Icon; it's not You. Where is the Son that welcomed the little ones to come sit on Your knee? I picture a smile on Your face, and laughter... as You embraced the kids and snuggled them close while You told them a children’s parable. Why is that picture not on the front cover of the Children’s Bible Stories? And what on earth was the artist thinking? And why did a generation embrace this depressing image? Thankfully, I know You... and that’s not You. Never-the-less, this image is still burned onto the back of my retinas... this foreign image that I can’t get out of my mind. And then it hits me... this is the reason that my perspective of God is skewed. I try and fight this perception that He is a serious, reverent God without laughter and without love; Someone to be scared of... rather than One in which you would place your hope. It's a struggle. Where is the artist to explain to me the meaning of this intrusive image? If I never see this image again, it will be too soon. But there He sits, staring at me... a nondescript Jesus.

So; This is what it feels like to be rich...

My folks and my brother (and his wife) decided to rent a house on the lake for the week and invited the rest of the family up to enjoy. It was a great time. Nieces and nephews running all over the place, lessons in the techniques of fishing were given by uncle Ben to anyone old enough to hold a fishing pole. Sydney chipped in her expertise by putting corn on the end of the hook so the fish would actually bite. (Corn... who would have thought.) All weekend I was taking snapshots in my mind of the kids and my beautiful wife... while I don’t have a lot of money, there is no question that I know what it feels like to be rich. Sydney and the kids are still up north... I had to come back down to finish my class and work a little... but I will head back up there on Thursday. As a result of all of those who gave their lives for the freedoms we have, our family had a great weekend.

I knew there was a technical term for this...

I am not getting many comments today... I am hoping that it's only a result of the internet being "blogged down."

Don't forget to read the post below... in my humble opinion, it's worth a look.