Brother

I always wanted one.

A big one.

Someone who would teach me how to spit, who would squash spiders for me, who would threaten to beat up the class bully when they pushed me around, who would have really cute friends and bring them over for pizza and I could sit and bat my eyelashes at them and he would try and run me off but if perhaps one of his friends ever asked me out he would threaten them with bodily harm if they treated me badly. I wanted an older brother to drive me around, to be the cool guy at school that I got to talk to in the halls. I wanted the older brother who would mess up my hair and make fun of me but in an instant would be my greatest defender and biggest supporter.

These were the wants of a child.

And then I got older and I realized I wanted a big brother to be that same protector and defender but in a different way. I wanted him to be wise and intelligent and to challenge me because he had gone before me. I wanted him to point out the bumps in the road so I won’t make the same mistakes he did. I wanted him to be comfortable when I laugh at him and comfortable when I cry in front of him. I wanted him to call me to the carpet when I was acting like an idiot and be brutally honest with me but always clothed in love and concern. I wanted him to be excited to share with me the things he learned so that I might learn from them too. I wanted him to give worth to my opinion and know that even though I was younger and not as smart or wise that I was searching out answers all the same and together we might just find the right ones. I wanted a brother who would marry the perfect big sister and would show me the qualities that I would want in my husband. I would want to watch him honor and cherish her, leading by love and with a servant's heart, and being the man of God that would allow him to do those well (and then I would also get a amazing big sis in the process and that would be a special blessing). I wanted him to be a father so I could watch how he instructed and discipled his children, again to know the qualities of the man I would desire to father my children. I wanted him to continue to tease me and to make me laugh, and to never take himself so seriously that he couldn’t admit when he was wrong or needed to grow in an area. I wanted him to be not only my brother but my friend, not just linked by blood but by a friendship that was more “want to” instead of “have to”.

These were the wants of an adult.

And the funny thing is that while I have only sisters by birth, in the last year I’ve been lucky enough to gain a big brother that is all the things I’ve always wanted. He’s funny and goofy, wise and intelligent, a great example of what a godly husband and father should be. He encourages me, he teases me, he teaches me so much about things I thought I knew but realized I needed to know more. He is a man of honor and respect, or integrity and character, of service and love for others.

Instead of being my brother by blood, by genetics, I get to choose him as my brother and my friend.

He is my friend, he is my brother, and his name is Ben.

(Posted by Katie)

At Jes's request:

An Ode to Jes feeling like she needs to vomit...

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to vomit.
She had a similar feeling that we all have when we see a preview for Wallace and Gromit.

Yesterday, Jes felt like she needed to puke...
But the question is, does she feel the same today... or was it a fluke?

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to hurl...
So the question must be asked... could she be? Do we dare ask... is it a boy or a girl?

Yesterday, Jes felt like she needed to blow chunks...
Much like one would see retching from the mouths of drunks.

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to spew...
When she requested me to write a poem about it... my first thought was “ew”.

Yesterday, Jes felt like she needed to heave...
I am just hoping that if she did... that she didn’t heave on her sleeve.

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to regurgitate...
Her only desire was that the nauseous feeling in her stomach would alleviate.

Yesterday, Jes felt like she was getting a little woozy...
Kind of like the feeling you get when you spend too much time in a Jacuzzi.

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to get ill...
More than likely, she had a plan and she had looked for something in which she could fill.

Yesterday, Jes’s stomach felt a little spastic...
She had a feeling that her stomach was expanding like elastic.

Yesterday, Jes felt like she needed to barf...
I am not sure, but could it be a result of all the food she did snarf?

Yesterday, Jes felt the need to throw up...
If she did... I am sure it would remind us of, after eating grass, the liquid-y yellow barf of a wolf pup.

Today, after writing that line, Ben feels like he is going to be sick...
I can’t believe I just wrote that... ick, Ick, ICK!


Today, we are all hoping that Jes feels ghetto - fabulous...
And furthermore, we are hoping that her stomach is not acidulous. (Yeah I know... but that is as good as it gets. YOU find something that rhymes with ghetto - fabulous.)

The End.

Wrestling...

I am wrestling with thoughts today... don't worry though... just getting a good workout.

Plus I have a headache... so this is all you get.

*UPDATE* I have been informed that this is a cop out post... and in the same breath that I am "as good as it gets" when it comes to copping out.

So you can have that bit of information today as well.

DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT???!!!?!?!?!

Vaughn IS ALIVE!!!! I knew it! I knew it! I KNEW IT! I have been telling Sydney all along that he is not dead... So last night at the very end of the show when they showed the ancient tibetan monk telling Vaughn that "he has a daughter..." I made sure that I told Sydney that I knew that she knew that I TOLD HER SO all along.

ABC... you are freakin losers for cancelling Alias. So Jennifer Garner had a baby and doesn't want to do the "whole" spy thing anymore... pay her millions. Who cares? MAKE HER STAY. Do what it takes...

And Jennifer... don't make me start with you. THEY SAVED YOUR BABY for goodness sake! If it weren't for ABC performing that operation on the ship you were trapped on... your little girl would not be alive! Show a little gratitude.

(Okay so my reality is a little jaded... AND just because we have Jennifer Garner / ALIAS wallpaper covering EVERY SQUARE INCH of EVERY wall in our house does not mean we are obsessed.)

Does it?

Is it wrong...

That EVERYTIME Sydney calls and says "Hey! Hey!"

that I finish it in my mind with: "Hey! Hey! Hey! It's F-A-A-A-T ALBERT!"

...And then, in my mind, I can picture him running...?

Norman Rockwell is jealous...

Here are a few pictures of the kids... We took these on Sunday Morning. Pretty good looking crew if I do say so myself.

Jake, Micker Mackers, and Bug Bug

Benjino

These pictures were taken as Jake, Mack and I were taking a break after working in the yard together on Friday afternoon. When you work hard in the yard... each person HAS to have their own Coke. It's Mandatory.

Guzzle, Guzzle, Guzzle

Cheers!

There will be a few more added to the photo album. Have a Good Day All! Cheers!

More Pictures Here...

Coming to terms with eating 2.5 lbs of Jolly Ranchers...

I have a 5 lb bag of Jolly Ranchers in my desk and I find myself constantly eating them. I bought them to put out in a candy jar... and I have those out there for people to eat... but I find that I am eating the ones in the bag... I have approximately 2.5 pounds remaining.

I have tried to rationalize my eating of 2.5 lbs of Jolly Ranchers in that they are fat free and low carb... but who am I kidding? There is absolutely no nutritional value in eating a Jolly Rancher... or twenty of them for that matter.

After much research on the subject matter, have come to this conclusion:

If you eat too many Jolly Ranchers, you will get fat.

My solution is simple:
After I finish the remaining 2.5 pounds... I won't ever buy the 5 pound bag again... the 16 oz bag will be sufficient.

For all you Skeptics...

Since Katie informed you all that I used a FAKE picture of our eagle family down the road... and now you are all questioning my integrity...

HERE are the REAL pictures of the Eagle family down the road. I will make sure that I get pictures of the kids in front of the Eagle's nest before the end of the summer so you all know these aren't FAKE either.

HE is NOT my neighbor Eddie:

The verdict is still out on this guy though...

Things are looking up!

Neighbors... I am not a fan of them. When we lived in town, they drove me nuts. On the left of us...we had the “old couple.” And when there is an older couple living next to you, you wind up with either the grand parent type or the cranky, crabby, old people. There is no in between... Unfortunately, we were “blessed” with the latter. It was miserable... and I am convinced that this old lady was the meanest, nastiest... old rag of a lady that has ever walked this earth. Well not really, but she did irk me. There was a time that she started chewing me out for something and I just laid into her verbally... I had had enough. When I got inside the house, I was immediately reminded by Jake, who was 5 at the time, that “Dad, we are supposed to love our neighbors.” The only response I could give was, “I know bud... but some neighbors are just hard to love.”

On the right, we had the truck driver and his father, the ex-convict. The dad had spent the last few years in prison for attempted murder on his ex-wife... or something to that extent. It was all hear say, but for some reason, I never got around to asking him what really happened. Maybe it was the Axe he had propped up outside his front door. (Okay, he didn't really have an axe outside his front door... so I don't know if he was really an axe murderer... but he did beat his dog.) Such a sad deal... He would beat his dog within an inch of his life... and so, it was no wonder that the dog was mean. To top it all off, the dog was a German Shepard... and although, when I was young, “Smokey” the fire chief’s dog was the most docile and friendly German Shepard you could ever meet, generally speaking, German Shepard’s do not need much encouragement when it comes to bringing out their mean streaks. It was no surprise when Jake was in the front lawn using his bubble mower at age 4 and this dog tore after him like he was going to rip him to pieces. I truly believe that the Lord sent his angels to protect Jake because the way that dog stopped in his tracks less than a foot away from him was strange. I had never seen something like this before in my life. There was much unspoken joy in our household when they moved out and Cal and Tiffany moved in. They were a breath of fresh air. Genuine, nice people. However, when we moved and the people that bought our house cut down the tree line that separated the two properties, the quarreling immediately began.

You can’t pick your neighbors... you just find yourself stuck with whomever happens to live next to you. It’s unfortunate. One of the main reasons we love living in the country is because your closest neighbors are a mile or so away... it has been peaceful. That said, we have new neighbors down the road and unlike when we were in town... we are excited to see them. Like Cal and Tiffany, they are a welcome sight. Very classy couple... when you see them, they emit an elegance that is unmatched. Also, I believe they have youngsters as well so Jake and MacKenzie are exited to go see what they are like. For the first time in a long time, we are excited that we have neighbors. I am sure that they will come see us every now and then... as a matter of fact, one of them stopped by to see us yesterday.


Meet our new neighbors:

Bound... but Free.

For miles, all I can see is cotton and tobacco...I am a slave. It is of my own choosing... not forced upon me by societal norms... but rather, I force it upon myself. My skin color makes no difference nor is my servitude dependant on my race or ethnicity... but choice. I am a sharecropper. Although I have been unshackled by Christ’s Emancipation Proclamation, the one written in His blood, I choose a form of slavery that is somewhere between sin and righteousness... working the fields that I was bound to, freely on my own accord because I will not allow my mind to make a clean break from the nature I was once bound by. I choose what benefits me... and this depends on what I want... what is more attractive to me. Sometimes, I choose slavery to sin... sometimes I choose slavery to righteousness through my obedience to Him. I desire to be a bond-servant of Christ... I really do... but it seems my desire for benefits that fulfill selfish gain keep me from making a wholehearted commitment... It is as if the deal that I have made with my Master is revocable at anytime and then reinstated whenever I will it so. This symbol of my Master that is dangling from my ear is interchangeable, somehow... not permanent.

My dilemma is my will.

And as a result, I am enslaved to something that is not steadfast... that changes on a whim.

Lord I choose you... bind me permanently so that my own freedoms and choices do not nullify the decisions I have already made. You have made my choice irrevocable... and although I wrestle with these chains that I willingly allow you to place on me... make them unbreakable.

I place my assurance in You and in the fact that Your grace is an unbreakable chain.

Romans 6: 14 -18
14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. 15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

My patience has been thoroughly tried.

Thanks for the owners manual John Deere... You might as well have given me a book that says "Congratulations on purchasing your new John Deere... The end."

Between John Deere's lousy manual and my innate retarded tendencies... I semi-successfully serviced my lawn mower over the last couple of days. It took me forever to remove the blades to sharpen them because the bolts were seized... three hours forever... but I won. And then last night I decided to change the oil on the motor. That was my first mistake... what kind of idiotic company puts two drain plugs on the bottom of the block? Kawasaki... that's who. Unfortunately, I am not smart enough to undo the one that has a drain stem attached to it... so 2 quarts of oil all over my shop floor... what a mess. At this point, I told Jake that he "needed to leave the shop because dad was going to get very angry... and that it was not his fault and that he should leave now." So after he scampered out the door, a few choice words and cleaning up the pool of oil, I then decided to unscrew the oil filter and dump oil all over my floor again. Then, after I got this all taken care of... I decided to test drive it... and this was fine; however, when I started the PTO, the belt on my mower deck popped off and BECAUSE I don't have an engineering degree and BECAUSE the owner's manual fails to provide me with the proper information, I can't figure out how to get it back on... and that is where my mower sits right now...

To top it all off, I spent an hour and a half on the internet searching for a LX277 Mower Deck belt diagram and you know what I found? Several other guys without engineering degrees with the same exact question... but as far as I could tell... they couldn't find the answer either.

Hope it doesn't rain anytime soon.

Elizabeth Bennet... will you marry me?

Oh yeah... that's right... I am ALREADY married. *snap!*

Sydney is SO fortunate that she snagged me before I saw Pride & Prejudice... or I would have been fighting with Mr. Darcy for Elizabeth Bennet's hand. Dark hair, confidence, humor AND intellect... nothing short of beautiful. I told Sydney this after the movie and she was jealous... I could tell. Sydney's response was that "she probably wouldn't pick up my socks and t-shirts." My response was, "I think they HAD to do that back then." Needless to say that I got smacked acrossed the chest... twice!

I will say that Saturday night was a great night as Sydney and I lazed on the couch together and watched Pride and Prejudice. I probably wouldn't have given the movie a chance if it wasn't for Jcol. But, thanks to her, I am glad that I took the time to watch it. Deep down inside, I am a romantic... behind this rough exterior and cantankerous personality is a big heart. To answer your question Eddie... I didn't cry... as a matter of fact, after watching the movie I was trying to figure out at which point in the movie someone would cry. Can't figure it out... must have to be a girl to answer that question.

And Katie and Jcol... Brooding Yumminess? Yeah... I still don't get that either.

Good movie though. I give it a 9 out of 10. Any movie that is so good that it causes you to get smacked twice can't score a perfect 10... had I been forced to sleep on the couch, I would have had to give it an 8.

Condemned by my own accord...

I tie my own noose... and I tie it tight... I might as well fling the rope over the rafters and kick the chair. I condemn myself daily. Past mistakes keep coming back to haunt me. There’s no joy in that... the scars remind me of my lack of intelligence, my lack of dedication... my lack of perseverance. I forget that I am standing in His grace and that that grace is sufficient. Is it? Cause I don’t believe it... I don’t know why... I SHOULD believe it... but my short falls tell me different... The enemy whispers in my ear that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that He loves me... I have disappointed him way too many times. No amount of love can overcome that. Lies... I know. But I can’t help giving thought to those lies... that somehow there is credibility in what he says... So here I stand... in His grace with a noose tied around my neck. What am I doing?

I look to Him... and he speaks to me. His words cut through the rope with the skill and accuracy of a sword... as if were a strand... and for the moment, I am free. Until the next time... if ONLY I could remember:

Romans 8:1
There is therefore, now no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus.

That bird is toast.

A bird just flew into my window. That's got to be an eye opening experience. One minute you are flying... smooth sailing... and the next... SMACK! Feathers are floating all over the place and you are on the ground... wondering what hit you.

I think the Lord does this to us at times. Just to grab our attention and to bring our focus back to Him... He will allow a window to be placed in our path. He does this to remind us that we can't do this without Him, that we must lean on Him so that we can successfully manuever around the trials of life. A testing of our faith if you will. We think we can do it on our own... but our lack of willingness to surrender makes Him teach us lessons the hard way. The Lord demands surrender while giving us the freedom to choose. But when we are stubborn and we make the wrong choice... sometimes He needs to smack us upside the head in an attempt to get our attention.

However, if we choose to rest in Him and trust that His way is better... if we choose to believe that He will stand true to His promises... then it will be credited to us as righteousness... Although there will be windows, He will give us the perspective to see these windows for what they are and it will help us to avoid the painful drop... moreover... He will be right there by our side... as we soar through the air.

Why?

A very close friend recently asked me the question: "Why?"

That's a good question. I don't really know why... I WOULD say, "just because." But that is the easy way out... and I don't want to take the easy way out... So "why" you ask? I am trying to figure it out. I don't think I will ever have the answer to that question. The answer keeps changing. It depends on the context in which you ask it. A case in point: why is feisty spelled with an ei rather than an ie? I'll never know... The rule is "i" before "e" except after "c"... so why is "feisty" not "fiesty?" Exception to the rule I guess... but why? Why are there exceptions? And if there are exceptions, why are there rules? AND... who decides what the exceptions are? And why didn't they ask me if this particular exception was okay?

Funny how the same question can have so many answers.

Why? I don't know.

The most the frustrating thing is that this question leads to more "why" questions... there's no easy answer to that question. My mind gets tired thinking about answering that question... so, my response is:

"Why you ask? I have absolutely no idea."

Nothing to see here.

Move along.