More Questions answered...

The following are two questions rolled into one... Katie asked me how Sydney and I met and Faith in Florida asked me how I knew that Sydney was “the one.” So the following is my recollection of how we met and how I knew she was “thee one.” It is a little long... but who knows? It might be worth your time.

The first time we met was on a golf course in Grand Forks ND. I was 17 and she was 13. We both ran cross-country. I was a Junior and she was a 7th grader.

My dad was a Baptist pastor when I was growing up... and he had been filling the pulpit at a Baptist church so my dad knew the cross country coach in Sydney’s home town because of it. So this coach, approached me at a meet and introduced himself to me... and Sydney came running up to him and he introduced us. So anyway... that was the first time we met...

A couple of years went by and I was a freshman in college... summer after my freshman year actually... and my dad was still filling in as an interim pastor at Sydney’s church. My dad tells me about this really “special” girl... “Ben, you really need to come up and meet this girl.” So, I went up there to meet this girl... and we went over to their house for dinner after church... She made the apple pie and it was really good... but she was 14!

On the way home I was like "dad" what the heck?!?!?! She's 14!

And he was like, "No... not now! But just tuck her name in the back of your mind... she has a lot of qualities that you would look for in a wife..."

And I am thinking... Yeah.. right. SURE dad. You keep thinking that.

So, anyway... a couple of years pass and I was home on summer break and I went into my dad's study to grab a pen and I noticed his prayer list and one of the things on there was "Ben/Future Wife (Sydney?)" I believe that my comment to my dad was, “Dad, you need to give it up... are you cracked? I don't even know this girl... that's never going to happen.” My dad just said, “Well.... it could.” I just rolled my eyes and shook my head. By this time she was at a different college and I was close to graduating.

So, a few more years go by and my dad gets a call- from none other than Sydney... saying that "her mom needed their email address... Oh... and while you are at it... I will grab Ben’s email.... in case I ever want to send him one... you know... just in case."

Behind the scenes at her place... she had returned home from College after 2 years and after being in an abusive relationship... She was taking the semester off and was helping her mom and "Auntie Liz" in a snack shop... (they sold home cooked meals to the beet drivers.) and she was telling them how there was no one to date and that she was down about this... So they sat on each side of her and said, "We think you should call Ben." And Sydney was like, "What? I don't even know him and he doesn't know me.... I'm not calling him." But they wouldn’t quit until she went in can contacted my parents for “their email address”; essentially they forced her to go in and call my folks. So she did.

That week she sent me an email. I was out on the road traveling for my Job and didn't have access to my email... so the first email I received was from Sydney.... saying Hi Ben... I don't know if you remember me... but I am writing to see how you are doing... ect....

The next email was from my Dad with the subject line: GOD ANSWERS PRAYER.... He explained that Sydney had called to get their email for "her mom" but that "we know the real reason she called" and on and on.

The next email I received was from Sydney again, saying... "Well I guess you don't remember me... blah, blah, blah..."

AND so, we started corresponding back and forth... that weekend I had to go up and pick up a laptop computer that my folks had ordered for me... besides that, she had mentioned that she was going to Fargo... so I figured it would be a good time to pick up my computer that had been sitting there for a couple of weeks. In the meantime they had decided not to go to Fargo... but then when Sydney found out that I would be in Fargo... they changed their minds back and decided that they MUST go to Fargo to give us an opportunity to “meet” again....

After that... I started driving up to her folk's place and spending my weekends on their couch. We dated for about 4 months were engaged for 4 months and got married that July.

I think what I have taken from this whole experience is the power of prayer. My dad prayed for us for about 7 years. Crazy. Sydney and I kid... saying, the Lord finally relented..."Fine, Fine! He doesn't deserver her... but I am sick of listening to you!" I am grateful to my dad's dedication and faithfulness. And of course the Lord's grace... ‘Cause I didn't deserver her. That is for sure.

Which leads me to Faith in Florida’s question... How did I know that Sydney was “the one.” Hard to say really... I am not sure if I subscribe to the theory that there is only one “thee one.” I mean... sure, God knows who you are going to marry so from that perspective there is only one... but I truly think there is more than one woman or one man that you could happily live your life with... in other words, I don’t believe that compatibility and happiness is something that could occur with one and only one individual. I think the moment that I decided that Sydney was the one I should marry happened during the 2 months prior to our wedding. I had the worst case of cold feet... I was even nervous at our wedding. I was not experiencing feelings of elation... at the moment... I loved her... but I wasn’t sure I was “in love” with her. I am a person that never takes my commitments lightly and I tend to over think EVERYTHING. So needless to say, 2 months before we got married I thought seriously about whether this was the girl I should spend the rest of my life with... because for me, marriage is a “rest of your life” (or hers) kind of decision. Yeah, I know... I should have thought about that BEFORE I got engaged... dummy me... Hind sight is 20/20. It's probably good that I was engaged though... because if not... I may have made some other decision... Being engaged forced me to take a HARD look at this before I said I do. I look back and it was an extreme emotional rollercoaster that I forced Sydney to go through... but in both a selfish, and unselfish way, I am glad I put her through it... because I am not leaving and I never will... there is a lot of security in that. If you have to go through insecurity to have that security is it worth it? I don’t know... ask Sydney. But back to the question.... there was a point that occurred during this time where I decided that if I were to look back 10 years from now... if I didn’t marry Sydney, that I would regret it. So, at that point I made the conscious decision that she was the one I wanted to marry. While I wish I could tell you it was some romantic time “when we were staring into each other’s eyes”, I can’t. It happened during a time when I was debating about the choice I was making... and although Sydney would probably have preferred that it happened in a more romantic way... I am glad that I came to the realization in the way that I did. Love isn’t about emotions... it can be at times... and that is surely part of it... but Love is a commitment. It is telling a person that you will be there no matter what... even when you aren’t feeling the emotional side of things... when you wake up and you are annoyed with the person beside you... but you love that person enough to make it through the rough times without throwing in the towel.

So yeah... that’s how we met and that is how I knew she was “the one” I would choose to marry.